Hibernation

This site ain't dead, it's just in hibernation.
I'm going to resurrect this site soon.. Once I find the time to fix it. It'll probably be for more heavy stuffs. My i.ph blog is for my journal for now.

I'll keep you all posted.. While it's in hiatus check out my other blog twistedkai hope to see you when this opens up again. Ciao

Weight issues and heavy matter.

Ok, so I'm heavy.. I weigh about 85-90 kilos. And may I say that I'm not that ashamed about it anymore. I don't like making excuses about it. I love to eat. But I'm not the type of person who lives just to eat. I like to try out new food every once in a while with good friends. I enjoy good food with good company. But food ain't a passion. Reading is my passion.

Yesterday, my bf and I went to Edsa Shangri la in hopes of catching Eiga Sai's 2nd film for that day. So syempre hanap kami nang taxi.. pag sakay ko nang taxi, the driver made a joke kung saan kami pupunta, akala ko ang sabi nya kaya double ang bayad kasi traffic.. ndi pala.. kasi malaki ako.. and i was like.. so close to tears already. i guess my bf sensed that i'm going to cry that he took my hand and held it so tight. (nothing beats the warm feeling that there is someone in this whole fucking universe that finds you sexy... even if you know the truth that your not.) so yun.

tapos.. 2 of my friends commented something about me looking like a famed character in a comics. so di ba since friends i had mixed feelings, either to let it just pass or be so mad and pissed off with them. i chose both. i easily forgive a person as long as na resolve na yung issue. so i guess after this post, ok na ako. i hope. kasi naman, i don't look like aling mcbeal (of beerkada) nor do i look like manang bola (batibot) at lalong ayaw ko icompare sa pugad baboy. i'm being so maarte i know, pero wag nyo naman laitin ako. kasi, after all love ko lahat nang mga kaibigan ko.

I remember a shitty guy who once boasted to a friend " If Kai, had been thinner she would have enjoyed having sex with me." Yeah right.. Maybe you try taking a bath first.

Alerts: Drama mode

I'm in a sentimental mode right now. I feel like writing lyrics or poems.
But I know I ain't great. Hence it makes me think that I should have taken up the course that was being offered to me by UP. Creative Writing, hay, maybe that would have helped me a lot.

****

every once in a while, i find myself in the midst of things thinking of the what if..

but everytime i do that

there will be something/someone that would wake me up and make me thankful of where i am right now..


**************
the funny thing about love
is that you won't know
what your missing
until it hits you.

and when it does hit you
mixed feeling haunts you down
at times you'll feel secure
but there comes the wind to bring your hopes crashing down

all you could do about it
just keep your fingers crossed that
someday..
you'll look back and laugh about all of this.

Random thoughts

be there for me when i fall

so someone would catch me

i don't want just somebody

i want it to be you..

*****

i'm a girl who craves

for cold cookie dough and warm flesh

i placed myself in such a mess

but i know i gotta be brave

i heat up on instant touch

cold baths don't help me much

******

Don't mind me, I'm feeling sad and sleepy

so you think you know everything?

yay.. am still sleepy but my mind is already functioning properly.. i just hope my medsurgery classes don't last long.. kasi i know na i won't i'd feel so sleepy and so grouchy and grumpy than needed.. not that i'm a grumpy person.. (i'm a generally happy person) it's just that sometimes.. naiinis din naman ako lalo na sa system.. (sa school, sa government.. etc..)

yesterday was the last day of the book signing sa GJ nang beerkada..

out of fun.. lumabas kami ni oliver to offer the buttons.. ang una ko munang sinasabi was "hi, nagbabasa ka ba nang beerkada? no? eh the philippine star? ndi din?" amp.. meron pa yung sa loob nang GJ.. "hi miss, do you read beerkada books? we have the author right here, and you could have the books signed by him.. (alangan naman ibang tao pumirma..) meron buttons and books na available and pag nagkaroon nang 500 pesos worth na items kayong nakuha you get a caricature from the cartoonist.. " the girl's reaction was "ahh.. di ba nasa tv ito? yung sa myx?" and i was like.. "uhmm no.. barkada trip yun eh.. beerkada ito.. "

so.. yun wala lang.. no biggie para sa akin.. it's just that ah ewan.. ndi ko sya ma- voice out properly for fear na ang makuha ko rin reactions ay negative..

kasi naman napapansin ko people enjoy stupid entertainment.. why? simple para masabi nila na mas matalino sila.. and that they could fully interact with it.. kasi i noticed that entertainment magazines (eh ndi naman sila mukhang magazines..parang fillers lang) are abound.. and they command a good price.. eh yung magagandang magazines like culture crash, questor, are kaput.. stop printing.. why??


no biggie.. pero di ba waste of brain cells yun? kasi the brain is like a sponge.. it absorbs all the knowledge that you would like to fill it with.. eh pag crap laman nyan.. crap din ang lalabas sa iyo (not literally..) "constipation of the brain, diarhea of the mouth.." or something like that..

Nothing

-I was itching to post something. Mind not functioning properly, wish my PC could run SIMS 2. Or if not, I wish I could find SimCity or ZEUS. I wish I could find a store that sells Rages of Mages and Monopoly Casino. Weeh. Old school games for old school me.

This is it.

It took me several weeks, before I was able to write something here.. I was kindda busy but still, I knew I had to make time to at least sit down and put my thoughts into words and then freaking post them here.. hahaha... anyway, since everything seems sane at school after our prelims.. I feel that I'm slowly going back again to my old ways.. I feel so lazy in going to school.. and yet I feel racked with guilt and all..

****

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that i have at least gotten a decent grades from our exams.. I studied but not studied.. there's a big difference between memorizing and really studying hard.. I better shape up.. my dreams are far yet very near my grasp.. all i have to do is stand up and brace myself for the winds of trials.. Damn. Didn't know I could wax a post like this. Score 1 point for me.

Floating around.

A friend' s blog that I have read recently states that you only miss someone if you have forgotten about them you know absence makes the heart grow fonder type of thing... If that'll be the case.. then does this mean that I have forgotten about him already? Do you really have to forget the person in order to miss them? I don't get it, shouldn't be pain a reminder of you missing the person? And if you're in pain that means you can't forgive.. right?

He states that he doesn't want to see nor to talk to me anymore.. could his anger be that high? My friends told me that he's back to his old ways.. I'm not sure if they're just scaring me so I'd feel guilty. Although I do feel guilty (in a way) all I wanted to do is to talk to him, and have closure. I wanted to be like we used to, unfortuantely it might be long before we could come to that point.. I didn't even know that we'll end up this way.

I couldn't bring myself to confront him. I'm hurting also. So let's just leave it at that for the moment.

Wannabe's and 'hoes

About my previous post, I've just watched Mean Girls staring La Lohan. I was like.. woah, this girl.. she's totally me. (Ok, enough of the Valley girl writing, it's making me puke now.)

I tend to tag QB's as the same with Celeb Wannabe's. QB=CW. They act and look like the same thing.

For all you CW's out there:

1. Have the numbers of a great dentist or splurge for the best toothpaste and toothbrush, you gotta have pearly whites. It's part of your charm (or so they say.. Me, I just puke..) I mean, some people could get out of a freaking mess with just a smile.. (or so they belive that they could..) But it helps, I mean it does really. Ask Ms. Hilton

2. Know the language, learn the magic phrases or words.

BFF: Best Friends Forever (Nicole Richie and Paris)
BFL: Best Friends for Life (Kim and Paris)
Frenemies: Friends turned enemies turned friends. (Nicole and Paris...)

etc. whatever.


3. It pays to be in the know. Drop killer names like Uncle Karl (Lagerfield) or the words jetting off for Milan. You know the drill, hobnob with stars, star wannabe or local celebs. Stalk them if you have to until you reach your goal.


4. Have great acting skills. This will definitely work during cat fights and whatnots. It's also great for drumming up public interest and making people sympathize for your cause. With great acting skills, it ain't matter if you're right or wrong.. Then again, most of the CW's doesn't have an ounce of acting skills.

5. Have a disorder, may it be eating, drinking.. It drums up interest. God.. now that I've listed this, it's like they're attention whores. Wahaha.

6. Have a scandal, the raunchier the better. Whatever makes people talk about you. Like they say, good or bad publicity is still publicity.


7. Kiss ass. Literally and figuratively.

Chock-full of plastics

The world is full of people that are made of plastics. Hard, cold plastic. The type that you'd really hate to meet are the tupperware variety. This people doesn't have any ounce of decency or realness in them. This type of people makes me sick.. so sick I'd like to kill them all..

But this would have to wait. I have to go now..

Phew hue

Just bought the 5th book for Beerkada. I was wondering what took them so long to publish this book. Alas, it ain't in color. *sighs* I was expecting it to be in color like the 4th book. Bummer.

May is almost ending and yet, I've only been in a swimming pool once. I wanna go to the beach, I wanna feel the water around me. Help!! I want to go swimming again!

ang saya..

ang ganda.. nalimutan kong ikwento yung iba pang details about dun sa diary ko.. hehehe.. kasi nagbakasyon me.. kaia i forgot all about it.. until i checked my recent posts.. so.. yun.. hayzz.. higschool life talaga.. masaya.. makulay atsaka andun ung mga times na babaliktad ang mundo mo..


hay.. it taught me a lot of lessons in life.. in dealing with friends.. how to handle relationships.. how to make friends and make sure that you've kept them as a part of you.. it's hard to keep up with the same set of friends that u had when you were in highschool especially if you're in college and you and your friends are studying at differents schools.. weeehh... sobrang hirap.. buti na lang may cell atsaka telepono atsaka pc.. kundi.. ay wala na.. pag nag reunion kayo.. wala kang makikilala miski isa sa kanila at pareho rin sila..

enuf na nga about that.. matagal pa bago ako mapapattend nang isang reunion.. dahil.. dahil ayaw ko.. hehehe gusto ko success na ako.. para masaya..

nung highschool.. i wasn't exactly a popular kid.. hehehe i had the bad habit kasi na saying anything that comes to my mind.. in other words.. tactless ako.. as in.. kaya madaming nagagalit sa akin.. eh napakaiyakin ko pa naman.. kaia yun.. hehehe pero ndi na ako tactless ngaun.. iniisip ko muna ang sasabihin ko.. tahimik ika nga nila ang buhay nang ndi masyadong madaming sinasabi.. pero kahit ndi ako ganun ka popular.. notorious naman ako.. kaia masaya pa din... hehehe kaia lang.. yung ibang perception sa akin.. masakit eh.. pero.. di ba sabi nila bad publicity is still publicity? kaia hinayaan ko na lang sila.. except lang pag nasisira na pagkatao ko.. dun lumalabas ang "horns" ko..



enuf for now..

Alert:Just personal thoughts

bat kaia ganun ano? kung ano pa ang nagpapasaya sau.. yun pa minsan ang kailangan mong bitawan.. hay... la lang ayaw ko naman maging sobrang profound ngaun, kasi parang ndi bagay sa character ko.. kasi, i'm known as a generally happy person.. pero, kilala din ako sa pagiging sensitive.. iyakin kasi ako.. ewan ko kung bakit pero, ever since noon ang dali para sa akin na mapikon.. anyway.. asan na ba ako sa kwento ko? ahh.. a few days ago.. nagkalat ako sa kwarto ko.. naungkat tuloy yung aking old highschool diary..


habang binabasa ko iyon, lumabas na napaka profound kong tao.. as in sobrang dramatic.. naisip ko tuloy.. "wow.. ako ba itoh? bat ganun?" kasi.. napaka naive ko sa love.. ang dali kong mainlove sa tao.. hehehe basta mabait.. di baleng ayaw nang mom ko sa kanya.. feeling ko tuloy hollywood romance ang binabasa ko at ndi ang life story ko.. as in.. mala against the world pa nga yung isang chapter.. tapos.. torn between two lovers naman yung isa.. hayzz.. hangang ngaun pa naman eh.. pero mehjo wiser na ako ika nga nila.. di na ako papauto sa iba... sarili ko muna bago sila, ano ako sira? wag nyong sagutin.. kasi sira ulo talaga ako alam ko.. iba pala talaga pag it slaps you right in the face.. ang tindi ika nga nila.. atsaka.. in a way, parang melodramatic pala ako noon.. kasi, maliit na bagay.. napapalaki ko.. i can't fully say na ndi na ako ganun.. sana ndi.. pero.. ewan.. kasi ndi ko na eevaluate pa ang present na sarili ko.. lost na naman kasi ako.:(

no shit

and there wouldn't be any other way.. so take me as i am..

part lang sya nang isang kanta na narinig ko sa radyo.. hehehe first time ko palang gumawa nang blog na tagalog.. wala lang.. FLUENT naman akong mag english kaia lang naisip ko lang na wala naman sigurong masama kung magtagalog ako paminsan minsan.. "shit.. ang yabang noh" yan malamang ang nasa isip nang makakabasa nito na ndi ko naman kakilala masyado.. at sa mga nakakakilala sa akin.. "tamaan ka sana nang kidlat.. hehehe " hahaha.. joke lang po.. mabait me na tao po.. pero minsan may mga lumalabas na mean streaks ika nga nila sa akin.. syempre.. ayaw ko pa kunin ni LORD noh.. kaia yun, may mga lumalabas na horns sa akin.. pero nung bata ako.. nako.. ako na ata ang black sheep sa family namin.. nagawa ko na ata lahat nang kalokohan.. pero take note lagi akong nahuhuli.. wahahaha.. ewan ko nga ba kung bakit.. siguro kasi magaling ang mommy ko.. nabubutas palusot ko.. kaia ayun.. magaling na din tuloy ako sa palusot..

hmm.. yun na nga lang muna.. saka na yung iba.. naantok na ako eh.. atsaka mag toothbrush pa ako..


"alam ko na naitanong na ito nang ilang beses.. bakit ba kasi toothbrush at toothpaste? eh madaming ipin ang sinisipilyo?"